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This page is NOT an article on how to pick up women.
This is about how to get yourself out into the
social scene so you can meet new friends. If all you
want to do is get laid, then call an escort service
or hang out in nightclubs and be willing to pay the
price for services rendered. If you are interested
in meeting new people and making new friends, then
please read on.
Don’t feel like you have to be in a relationship. I know of too many guys that have rushed into a new relationship or marriage and they are in no better shape (or worse) than when they were single. I completely understand what it is like to feel lonely. I spent a lot of time missing the female companionship of my wife. But there is a lot to be gained by being patient. The time that I spend alone is invaluable. I learn how to enjoy my own company. I have furthered my education and have spent time reflecting on what I did wrong and how I can be a better partner to someone in the future. Feeling needed, loved and desired are wonderful emotions, but don’t date just anyone to fill the void. You might be lucky enough to meet the right person immediately. You might not want to start dating for a while, and that’s okay. There is a time period needed for healing and reflection. Time to reorganize your life and make new plans for your future. Dating: If you have been married for a while, this will be a strange situation to find yourself in. You have to relearn how to make introductions, how to date and what to do on dates. Then if you are fortunate enough to find a new relationship, you have to segue back into couple life again. Dating can seem like a lot of work. It can be frustrating. It can feel like a waste of time and money. But dating can also be fun, rewarding and a fantastic eye-opening experience. Eye-opening in that you experience many different personality types, value types and morality types. It also opens your eyes to yourself. There are no secret pickup lines. I have interviewed many women on this subject. Women actually appreciate an honest, straight forward, non-threatening approach. Completely erase phrase like these from your repertoire: “You’re hot”, “You look bored”, “You look like fun”, “Come here often?”, “I hope you didn’t hurt yourself falling from heaven”, etc. Here is the most powerful opening line you can ever use: “Hi, my name is ___________, I thought I would introduce myself to you.” Then wait to hear what the person responds with. This approach allows a woman to either welcome a conversation with you or she can casually let you know that she is married, busy, waiting for someone or simply is not interested. Don’t try to be slick and suave (unless that’s how you naturally are). Don’t try to be something that you are not. (As a side note, I suggest that you don’t extend for a handshake. I feel that this is too forward when introducing yourself to a woman. If she responds by telling you her name, then you might want to extend your hand and say: “Well it‘s my pleasure to meet you _______ [always repeat her name!]) At this point be prepared to ask open ended questions. Show interest in the other person, don‘t just blabber away about yourself. This isn’t some “slick advice” that I am passing along. You should do this in all of your communications. Online Dating: I have nothing against online dating, but I feel like it is a bit contrived or forced. It can sometimes seem like a revolving door of dates. The one thing that I have observed regarding online dating is that it can consume time and help alleviate boredom. I have met some very interesting (and yes, very nice) women through dating sites. However, I am no longer active on any sites. Still, online dating can be a great place to meet new people. I have suggested to many men that they try it. I highly recommend that a man waits until his divorce decree has been finalized. Many women are leery of a man who is still in the process of divorce and you never want to lie about your current marital status. It is too easy to check court records. You would hate to start off on the wrong foot by trying to explain the "little white lie" that you're not actually divorced yet. If you plan on doing online dating make sure that you have a recent picture or pictures. Try to be a bit creative in writing your description. DON’T lie about your age, financial status, marital status or anything else. Read the articles on the site and get involved in posting your own comments. Technology takes the “person” out of personal communications: All of the new personal entertainment devices are nice to have, but it limits how often we get a chance to interact with others. You get to your seat on the plane and immediately put your ear buds in. The person next to you pulls out their Blackberry and starts working. Three hours later you land and not a word has been said. Cell phones, iPods, PDAs and laptops limit the opportunities to just talk. All of this new personal technology can get in the way of chance meetings. This is why I don’t wear or use any personal devices when I go out in public. I want to be able to talk with people I meet. With that said, if you see someone wearing a device, you still have an opportunity to talk with them. But keep in mind that you may be interrupting them as well. Some people intentionally wear an iPod so as not to be interrupted or approached. But you can still approach them with a question about what they are listening to. This should be done in a casual way. For example: “Hi, I was just curious, are listening to music or an audio book?” This opens the door for a conversation. The other person’s facial expression and body language will show whether they want to talk with you or not. The one place that I have met a lot of people has been at my health club (and not strictly women - a health club is not a pickup joint). I have made a lot of new friends through my health club and then have found myself being invited to all sorts of other social events. I am very outgoing and talkative, so it is fairly easy for me to strike up a conversation with someone. I make sure that I don't come across as a guy that is "on the make". I have no expectations when I talk with women. I am never overly flirty (however I’m sure that many would disagree with me on this). I do respect the sanctity of marriage and monogamous relationships. I never try to push myself on anyone nor would I ever try to place myself in the midst of someone else‘s current relationship. I did not date until about a year after my divorce was final. I felt that it would be unfair to anyone that might have interest in me. As time has passed, I can say that I am glad that I waited. I spent a lot of time alone. I have found that men who jump into another relationship just haven't had the time with themselves to reflect. I talk with a fair amount of men who are in new relationships, yet they still talk about or pine over their ex. I believe that this is not fair to do to the new person in their lives.
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